You Manage Things, You Lead People
In a recent workshop, someone asked me how to prevent conflict from happening at work.
The true answer is: You can’t.
Even in the most close-knit teams, conflict happens. Shocked? Trust me, it does, and it’s inevitable. And while on the tails of a pandemic, when lots of people may be moving to new jobs and positions? New people joining a team that's been stressed? It can be hard to just get through the day - let alone know what to do when a dispute pops up!
Leaders - whether you're formally a supervisor, division head, executive, or just someone people look to for guidance - set the tone of the group. Some of us do it well and easily! And even those of us who make it look SO easy can still fall flat on our faces when faced with a conflict.
So let's dive into some tips for leaders needing to handle a conflict on their team:
Stay calm.
Sure, easier said than done in many cases - so just be real and tell people, "can we talk about this another time?" Choose a time that works for YOU.
Another tip when you find yourself getting un-calm: Take a few deep breaths. Or, quietly and not obviously, distract yourself in the moment - maybe a fidget device or tapping your fingers on your leg - anything small to ground you.
Get curious.
As a leader in this group, take a mental step back and consider what might be really going on here.
What's the nature of the disagreement? Is the dispute itself about team values or productivity? (keep in mind those can be affected even when the nature of the dispute seems to be unrelated)
Ask nonjudgmental questions.
Modeling an attitude of curiosity can also help others to see things differently.
Think.
Are there different ways to try to measure agreement in the group? Here are some ideas:
Ask each party individually what it would take to get them to see the other person's perspective or agree with their position.
Consider using different tools - maybe getting visual with a whiteboard (online or in-person).
Conflict does not always have to result in bad things. Talking through disagreements can:
improve relationships,
foster growth,
increase trust,
and result in building new things - when handled skillfully.
Outcomes boost output and maximize financial gains. Relationships can be strengthened, progress can be accelerated, and trust can be strengthened.
Conflict resolution techniques are rarely included in the main curriculum of schools anywhere in the globe, the majority of adults have little to no experience managing or preventing conflict when they join the workforce.
That's part of why I became a mediator: I wanted to learn how to handle conflict (and help others). I’m curious (*see what I did there? 😉 )…. what’s one thing you’d ask me about the conflict within your team?
